10 Things Motherhood has Taught Me
Being a mom is quite the journey with many twists and turns and no real road map. Today I’m reflecting on my years as a mom and sharing 10 things motherhood has taught me.
One| Being a Mom is Hard
No matter the stage, being a momma comes with both blessings and challenges. Whether I was a single mom, college student mom, married mom, divorced mom, happy mom, depressed mom, successful mom, soccer mom, mom to an infant, toddler, teen or adult, every single one is hard y’all.
There is no easy way to be a mom because it is a role forever calling for endless love and commitment, heartache and joy.
Two | It’s Okay to Apologize
Apologize! It seems like a mom should get a pass on this one but I really feel it’s important. So many days I fill my plate more than full and feel a little overwhelmed which makes me a little snippy. I’ve yelled at my kids so many times for things they had nothing to do with. Sometimes I don’t even stop with the yelling but continue to dig a deeper hole by pointing out all their inequities and blaming them (yes, I know I’m getting star mom points with you readers!) for the lunatic rage I’m displaying.
When I was growing up I remember feeling so awful when these little interactions would occur and most of the time I was left to feel I had done something wrong. I always, always apologize to my kids if I have acted out of my mind. If truly there was something they were doing I will address the issue again but with a calmer demeanor.
Above everything I want them to see me take responsibility for my behavior and own it so someday when they are a parent, spouse, coworker, etc. they will know how to be accountable and also how to give grace.
Three | They Watch Everything
They are watching everything! The day you lose your shit and yell at the clerk in the DMV because the amount of paperwork to get a learners permit is just ridiculous? Yep they are watching! The day you buy a couple of bottles of water on a hot day as you leave the grocery store and hand them to the cart attendants on your way out? Yep they are also watching this! I tell people all the time actions speak louder than words and how you treat other people is so huge.
Treating myself kindly, speaking kind words about my husband, giving respect to our home and being there for friends when they need us are all things they are watching! Your kids are watching and they will treat others in the same way you treat others so use these opportunities to show them how compassion and grace really look.
Four | Laugh at Myself
I’ve learned to laugh at myself. Seriously I cannot recommend this one more. Moms become the butt of all jokes simply by being the mom. So many years I spent pouting on a family outing or stomping out the room after one of the kids poked fun at something I did. I took it as a direct insult to my momhood when really they were just wanting to exercise their sarcasm.
This one took some time for me but I can say I’ve gotten pretty good at laughing at myself!
Five | Listen
Sometimes if I actually take the time to listen I might learn something. My bigs can also tell you I sucked at this when they were younger. As a mom I really thought my number one job was to solve the problem, any and all problems when sometimes my kids just need to vent.
Other times if I would just listen, instead of becoming defensive, I would see they really might be trying to help me out by pointing out something I’m doing which is insensitive. In order to listen it means I have to shut my darn mouth and learning to do that has been hard!
Six | Don’t Take Things so Personal
Don’t take things personal. This one is definitely easier said than done! I’d be lying if I said I have this one 100% nailed down. There are still times when I struggle with taking a snide remark or declined invitation as knife through the heart. What really has helped me is to remember they have bad days too and focus on the positive interactions we have. At the end of the day I know my kids all love me even when I am outspoken, annoying or being a martyr mom.
Seven | My Way is not the Only Way
My way isn’t the only way! Lord I wish I had learned this one earlier in my momlife. So they don’t load the dishwasher exactly the “right” way or fold the towels in thirds but the job still gets done. How hard is it really to just accept? My oldest two would always say to me “I don’t know why you ask us to do things when we all know you will just redo it”. I finally learned if I left a list of chores and they were completed with reasonable effort to accept the results.
Eight | Bad Choices do not Equal a Bad Mom
Bad choices on their behalf do not reflect directly on my parenting. As tough as it is to see your child make a bad decision and face hard consequences, the guilt and anguish that come with asking yourself where you went wrong is just as tough. Unless you were an angel child (I was NOT) you did some things your parents would not be proud of. Chances are you knew it at the time, you even knew right from wrong but you made the bad choice anyway.
Lysa TerKeurst says don’t take too much credit for the bad, don’t take too much credit for the good. Being diligent in sharing your feelings and values but also giving your child the freedom to make their own choices will serve them well long term. Of course this only works if you also allow them to face the consequences when they do screw up!
Nine | Be the Mom I’m Meant to Be
Being a mom to the kids God gave me is easier if I focus on being the mom they need me to be instead of trying to emulate other moms who I feel are doing a better job. God totally matches us all up y’all. I truly believe this. If you don’t believe me, you may not have spent enough time around other peoples kids! Ha! I’m only half joking.
Even if you do all the things just like another mom it does not mean you will see the same results in your home. Trust your instincts! You and you alone know how to provide for your child in the way they need it most.
Ten | My Mom was Right About Everything
My mom was right about pretty much everything! There are so many things I chose to do differently than my mom mainly because I have a very different personality than she does and also because I have kids who are different than hers. What she did really, really well was force me to be realistic with expectations, love them all unconditionally and support them fiercely.
She did all those things so, so well!
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend whether you are celebrating your mom, celebrating being a mom or just loving on someone who has played a huge role in your life. 