Why Jesus is my Favorite
I’ve wanted to share a little deeper piece of my faith for so long in this space and today finally feels like the right day. As we walk through the days of Jesus’ death and resurrection I realize the gift now more than ever this day brings. My walk has not been a straight and narrow path but one I look back on knowing there was only one whose heart broke most for me and carried me through even when I was not worthy and even when I was doing my best to run the other way.
As a young girl I do remember having a huge heart for Jesus. I loved the way I felt when I was in Sunday school and church. My family was one who believed personal faith was a private matter and there really was not much sharing at home. The older I got the further ahead many of my peers became with knowing the stories of the bible and understanding the plan God set forth and my confidence began to waiver.
I never doubted His presence, though, even if there were times it took some huge sign to remind me. When I was 14 we were encouraged to write a prayer and place it in a self addressed stamped envelope during a youth New Years Eve party. Randomly these letters were mailed out to us throughout the year. My prayer was for my daddy to stop drinking. Two weeks after he entered rehab my letter arrived in the mail and I can remember trying to explain this occurrence in some other way but the only explanation was Jesus was walking with me and answering my prayer.
Satan though, he knows so well just where to find the deepest darkest places of our heart. He entered mine with a task to use my insecurities about my teenage body, my dysfunctional family life and my desire to please to turn my heart away from Jesus. Without the love of Jesus in my heart I filled my heart with the attention of boys and lots of partying. The more I turned away from the love of Jesus the more satan fed me the lie I was unworthy. I could never ever be good enough.
Even when I longed for Jesus again and tried to enter church I found myself so insecure. Others were able to spout off bible verses with ease and find stories from the bible immediately to identify with real life situations. It was so overwhelming to me to know how far behind all the “good Christians” I really was. Was there really any reason at all to try because surely I could never make up for all the terrible choices of my past or even the daily mistakes I continued to make? So I continued to give up and satan continued to present the opportunities in front of me to give me just enough filling up before ripping a hole in my heart. The pain of sin can be incredibly debilitating.
Then one day I walked into a church and God used a pastor to speak straight to my heart. Believing Jesus died for my sins means my debt is paid. I am sure I heard this message many times but that day I absorbed it the way God intended and I believed it to my core. It was the most incredible day in my life to know I was free. I was enough and I was worthy and Jesus DOES love me! His heart breaks when I make horrible decisions but He will not dessert me. He walks with me and gives me hope and I know no matter what I will never be alone.
Jesus is my favorite because he provided the ultimate sacrifice. He gives me grace every day beyond what I deserve which means I have learned to give so much more grace to others. He loves me through my hard times which leads me to be a little softer and more willing to meet others right where they are in their walk. He chose me which makes me want to strive to be a better person every single day!
Loving Jesus does not mean I’m perfect. It does not mean I am unaccountable for the choices I make. It does not mean I am not a sinner! Loving Jesus means I have hope for a life so much bigger than anything I can even imagine here on this earth. It means I am redeemed!
So this is my story. I still have so very much to learn but with an open heart I know I will. If you are struggling to believe you are worthy and chosen today I would love to pray for you.
There are two songs I’m leaving you with today. When I listen to these two songs my heart swells and my emotions are high. I hope you all have an amazing weekend worshiping with your families.
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That is a powerful testimony. I especially love the part about the letter in junior high. I am so grateful that I had a foundation in faith, even though I strayed from it for much of my teens. It gave me a place to come back to when I was ready. Sounds a little like your story. Wishing your family a very Happy Easter!
Hope you had a sweet extended weekend enjoying your loves Tanya! Faith is free…and that such a blessing!
LOVE this sweet Shelly!!!! I really don’t know what people do without Faith so we need to bring em’ to it sista!!! Jesus is my favorite too. Then you!!! 😉 Happy Easter to your and your sweet peeps!!
Me either Andrea……if I didn’t have something like faith to hold onto I know I would not be able to be the person I am today.
I love this so much Shelly! I did not step foot into a church until I was 18 and in college. I can relate to this post in so many ways. Thank you so much for sharing! Happy Easter!
Thanks for reading Jenna. I hope you had a special weekend with your little family!
Younger Shelly is very much like Younger Stephanie. However because of Christ, I know that my life is where it should be, that His plans for me were guiding me all along.
Isn’t it crazy to look back and see how our past shapes us? Life has had many challenges even in my later years but life is so much easier to face with faith. Hope you have such a great weekend with your family.
Amen. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. That’s such a lovely story about the letter being sent back, and WHEN it was sent back. I had something like this in 8th grade.
-Lauren
http://www.shootingstarsmag.blogspot.com
I’m fairly stubborn Lauren…so sometimes I feel like God sends me some HUGE sign to get my attention. That one was a big one.
That was a wonderful story of your faith. We are a lot alike, friend. Oh so much alike. Hugs as we venture on our journey together. xo
One day at a time love! Hope you had a super Easter with your loves.
Beautiful and touching story Shelly, so much of which I can relate to. Thanks for sharing, I know it takes a lot of courage to be so vulnerable, you honored Jesus in the best way!
xoxo,
Kellyann
http://www.thisblondesshoppingbag.com
Thank you Kellyann. I really do love sharing my story in hopes someday there will be some sweet soul who realizes they have so much to give the world!
Oh girl I am so glad you opened up and shared your story. What a beautiful, beautiful testimony.
Thank you Beth…it’s been on my heart for a long time and finally just felt right!
Thank you so much for sharing this Shelly. I always believe He put people in your life at the right place at the right time to help you navigate when you have become lost.
I truly believe that too Sarah. I’ve been blessed with people who are disciples and love without judging so well and have a huge heart for Jesus.
Thank you for sharing this today Shelly! What a sweet testimony of God’s grace in your life. I am always overwhelmed when I think of what grace does in our lives – and the hope it gives when we think we’ve gone too far. I’ve been there too – and I’m so thankful to know I’m redeemed! Happy Easter!
Whitney @ Come Home For Comfort
That’s the beauty in it for me Whitney….realizing no one is perfect and sin is sin. I’m so much more willing to give grace after realizing the huge gift of grace I’ve been given. Hope you have a beautiful Easter!
Thank you for sharing your story Shelly. Faith has kept me going so many times in my life. Hope you are having a blessed Easter weekend!
Thanks for reading Lana. Faith is very powerful and I have seen it move people beyond what I can imagine. Hope you enjoyed the weekend with your family.
What a beautiful testimony and selfless way to serve Him. You are a living testimony of His work and I am so honored for this front row seat. Love you friend!
Ditto love!
Beautiful Shelly!
Thank you Lisa. I hope you had a sweet weekend with your family.
This is a wonderful testimony and I know so many others, including myself, can relate!!
We have more in common than I ever realized! This is beautiful girl! Thank you for writing it.