Waiting on a Friend
Have you ever found yourself waiting on a friend? Maybe you have encountered a group of friends through your children’s school, or through work or even at church and you felt you had an instant connection yet your phone is not burning up with calls and text inviting you to join in with their get togethers. Or maybe you have friends who you know you have connected with but you go a long time in between seeing each other and even though you send a text here and there just to say hello they never initiate contact and you begin to question why. Have you stressed over why you only have a select few friends to turn to with the really big stuff when other people seem to have a huge circle of friends?
I would like to be able to answer no to these questions but looking back over the past 25 years I have definitely felt all of these things at one time or another. The one thing I have realized over time is my feelings of rejection had a lot more to do with my own feelings of insecurity and self centeredness (I mean really who would NOT want to be my friend) than that of the other party. There have been times when I know my pouty attitude has definitely made being my friend unattractive.
The truth is all of us are different. I am not going to find a special connection with every single person I encounter nor should I expect every person I encounter to feel a special connection to me. Every one of us is going to go through seasons when friendship will take a back burner and the connections seem to fade away even with those we once felt close to. When you are in the midst of raising children and just trying to keep up with schoolwork and activities and feeding them on top of trying to stay attractive for your man on top of making sure your marriage still receives plenty of attention, friendships change. You begin to find friends who fit with your current season because their lives are similar to yours. There are marriages falling apart, career choices, changing values, differences in parenting and all of these things can cause your group of friends to change over time.
I am a social person and I thrive on relationships so of course I am going to be more apt to reach out. I have contact with several friends from high school, college and have had close friends along my journey who I love dearly and think about often but to be honest if I didn’t contact them every once in awhile I’m not sure they would ever make the effort. There was a time this would have really eaten away at me but sometimes the season they are in just doesn’t allow time or maybe they are waiting on a friend too. If it still makes my heart happy to reach out then why should I stop?
If you have struggled with any of these feelings, I challenge you to change your thinking from waiting on a friend to waiting on a friend. What?? Stop expecting someone to call you or invite you to lunch. Schedule a girls night, send an email, or better yet snail mail, or pick up the phone and give an old friend a call. You never know when it may be just what they need.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. – 1 Peter 4:8-10
I LOVE this and I LOVE you! I've really tried to adopt that and stop feeling sorry for myself. When I think, I wish someone would ask me to lunch I pick up the phone and do the asking. I still have my moments but I'm really trying to take control and if I want something to make it happen. Like you said, someone out there is wishing the same thing. Less more waiting on me and more WAITING on others. LOVE!!!
I still struggle with this sometimes…we all do its only human. But now a days when I start to go down that road I just start trying to quickly turn the bus around! Love you!! And we need to have a date soon.
I so needed this today! Thank you! I feel like I am just in-between friends right now. I have several I see on a daily basis at the gym, but then we all go our own ways. Some still have very small kids and I have grown adult children. I am past that phase in my life. Our best couple friends moved to Georgia 3 years ago and we are still reeling from that loss of friendship. We have visited them 2 times and they have been back home once and will be home this summer. We have made a few other couple friends but we still miss them so much. I don't think anyone will ever replace that friendship. But we still keep on trying! Thanks for this post today. 🙂 Have a wonderful Hump Day!
That is so hard KIm. I definitely feel like I am kind of always "in between" in finding friends as the ones I made with my older kids are mostly empty nesters now and have a much more free schedule than I do and the ones with kids my Littles ages often have smaller children at home with much busier schedules! I also have lots of friends whose main job is taking care of their family so after being with the kids all day they are ready for a night out…and after being at work all day I just want to be home with my kids (most days). I use to really stress about it all and worry if I couldn't make a "date" but now I just accept that this is my season and try to stay flexible. Have a super day!!
I love that way of thinking about this is my "season" and accept it. I truly do have some amazing girlfriends, but we all seem to be going 20 different directions at once. I value the times we can meet for lunch but I can not tell you the last time I had a Girls Night Out. I used to think I was envious of those Facebook posts about GNO but since I am home all day, and Tony is working, I enjoy OUR nights at home more then I realized!
I love this post! I've experienced those feelings many times. I often remind myself it's quality rather than quantity of friendships that are important. Great reminders today; great post!😃
That is so, so true Amy! I would take a few super close confidants over a swarm of friends any day. I actually found Proverbs 18:24 when I was writing this and it is so fitting.
-A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
This is great!! and I seriously think I am going to send out some "snail mail" invites for a girls night!!
Do it Megan!!
This is a fabulous post. I think we as women tend to make things more personal than they are meant by someone and then it gets all hinky. Great reminder for all of us to reach out and be the one to invite!
Thanks! I think you are right and I think some of it is due to our lack of confidence at different times in our lives.
I usually do most of the planning and inviting when getting together with friends so it can be rough when you find out that friends get together and don't invite you. I try really hard to not think too much about it, but I always end up feeling bad or thinking I did something, said something, etc. to make them leave me out. A lot of it is because I work during the day and they are SAHM's or teachers. So all summer long they get together with their kids and go swimming, to park, etc. while I am working and Xavier is at daycare.
I can definitely relate. I've had my feelings hurt when people haven't fulfilled my expectation of how I wanted them to treat me, even though they didn't do anything wrong. And I agree that these feelings are from our own insecurities, as opposed to someone affirmatively doing something to us. Enjoyed your proactive approach of reaching out to people instead of waiting for someone to reach out to you. Cheers!
Thanks Jennifer. I spent so much of my life pouting about being left out or worrying I had done something wrong. Thankful I'm past that phase!