Happy Birthday Sis
Our beautiful Jordan turns 33 today! I love pulling out her baby book and reading back over some of the feelings I had as her delivery day crept closer. Fear, excitement, joy, she was my one shining light at a time when everything else in my life felt a little dark. I was almost 21 without a clue in the world how to be a mom, yet as soon as I saw her sweet little face I knew I would do everything possible to love her fiercely.
Over 33 years of being a mom I’ve realized that loving them fiercely isn’t always enough, but it is the foundation they will come back to time and again. My own mom wasn’t perfect, and as hard as I tried at times, I sure am not. Life takes turns we do not always plan for and the joy and pain that come along with those turns leave scars no matter how well we try to cover them. It took me years to realize the greatest gift I could give her was to push her to love herself and to be responsible for caring for herself in the way she needed to be cared for.
Parenting is different when they become adults. The relationship begins to feel more like a frienship and going on adventures together is so much fun but I’ve realized the lines can sometimes get a little too blurry and I have to step back and remember I am still the mom. While listening to all of her ups and downs is something I always want to be there for, she does not necessarily need to hear all of mine. Just as when she was a little girl and didn’t need to take on my troubles, adding my worries to her heart can create an undue burden.
I’m so proud of Jordan for so many different reasons but the hard work she has done to really learn to own her feelings and process challenges in a mature way gives me the most joy. She has a degree in communication so the fact that she prides herself on learning to communicate clearly should not surprise me! Learning to not take it as a personal attack on my mom skills when she is honest about her feelings can really be hard but as she continues to remind me, I’m not responsible for her feelings. So proud!
Jordan Ashlee, you will forever be the girl who saved me but I’m glad you know it is neither your burdern nor your responsibility! I hope this next year is the best ever and cannot wait to go on our next adventure together. Love you more!
