Grateful Heart Monday
This Monday morning I am feeling grateful for something that may seem odd to some. Today I’m feeling grateful for my ex-husband. You see 17 years ago we made the decision to end our marriage. It wasn’t easy and it took us an entire year to finalize the divorce even though we shared a lawyer and literally had nothing to fight over. We tried the best we could to make a marriage work or at least the best two selfish twenty somethings with too much pride could do. While our divorce decree clearly outlined the standard family law with visitation on Wednesday nights and every other weekend and alternating holidays, we never needed it. Although we could not put our differences aside enough to live together the one thing we both had was a love for our children above everything else.
Now, it wasn’t always pretty at first. There were hurt egos (mostly mine) and we made some of the typical divorced parent mistakes by trying to continue to provide our kids the same lifestyle they had when we were together. Reid is much more laid back and easy going and, well, more fun than me. I was the one always worrying about money and keeping the kids on track so of course my fear was always they were going to love him more. New people came into our lives and then new babies and that presented a whole new set of challenges. At some point I think we both realized that our kids loved us and knew us as their parents and no one could change that.
Fact is I needed him in my life. I needed to know that when a challenge arose with one of the kids I could call him and he would be a voice of reason. At the end of the day he was the only one who knew and loved them the same as I did. Our kids were never able to play us against each other because we kept the communication so open and we headed them off before they could even get started. We always had a united front when it came to discipline and it made my job so much easier knowing I had his support. Because our personalities are so different our kids sometimes turn to one over the other when they are going through a tough time but we always, always circle back and get the other in the loop. We became their parents the day they were born and neither of us were willing to give up that duty.
I can’t tell you how many people are confused by our family because at events we are all together. Reid has another son who is two years older than Dillon and they were always so confused trying to figure out how they were related. They even played on the same little league team one year and when someone asked them how they were related one of them said “well he’s my brothers brother but he’s not my brother”. Reid even had my kids calling him Uncle when they were small so no wonder everyone was confused! To complicate things even more Reid remarried 2 summers ago and his wife’s name is also Shelly. He says he likes to keep it simple.
Our kids will be 25 and 22 in just a short 4 months. As the kids have gotten older it is not as important that we stay in touch and it feels kind of weird. He has been part of my life for more than half my life! It makes my heart happy to look at our babies and know that because we were able to keep the negative to ourselves and put their needs first these two feel loved and secure.
My ex gave me two of the biggest blessings I could have ever dreamed of…..and for that I will always be grateful!
That is the sweetest post! I come from divorced parents who weren't so good at doing that. (Not for a lack of trying) I am so glad to see that you two are able to give y'all's kids a great life. (:
Thank you for sharing!
My parents divorced when I was 20 (for real couldn't they have just stuck it out??) and it sucked so bad having to hear them both put the other down and then trying to figure out a way to spend time with both when we visited just sucked. I didn't want my kids to ever have to feel torn.
Awesome, awesome post! It sounds so weird but it's a joy to watch you guys interact. Through the good, bad, and ugly – the only thing that matters is your kiddos – and you guys totally get that!
That's awesome, Shelly, that you and Reid are still friends. One of my dearest friends is the same way with her ex and it's kinda weird to have her ex and her new husband at the same kid functions. When I asked her about it, she said, why wouldn't he be here? He's Brock's father and we're still friends. She's much younger than us, so I think maybe that's what makes it so weird, but I am so happy for her children – that Alise is extremely close to – that they have the both of best worlds!
This is awesome. What a great thing you have going with your ex and that yall were able to put aside your issues with each other to raise your children. Just awesome.
Thank you!
Beautifully written! You are so blessed to have that relationship! I have a couple friends struggling through divorce and fighting over custody. This was refreshing to read. You put your kids' needs first, and that is so important! XO
Hi I am visiting from Grateful Heart link up!
This is a beautiful post of God's love and redemption! You have beautiful children and its wonderful that you and your family (incluuding your ex) have peace and unity in spite of the divorce. 🙂
Many Blessings to you!
Thanks for visiting Danise!
What a sweet post, Shelly!
I have been blessed to know Reid since before I knew you Shelly! He is a great, fun guy and the two of you have done an amazing job as parents and partners. This is such a great, heartfelt and uncommon post. I am so glad to know both of you and your son's brother's brother! lol!!!
We have definitely brought a little balance to a situation that could have been out of whack! Wasn't always easy but I know it was the right decision.
I can absolutely understand you in this post!! 🙂 So happy that you have your babies! xo, Biana
My parents were the same way Shelly and it helped when we all could be together. Even some holidays were together with their new spouses. They made it work for the sake of all of us. Not everyone can do this so I always considered my family dynamics special. Hard at times, but special. Great of you to share this!
I just can't imagine not being part of my kids lives as much as possible and as they grow and they build families of their own I don't ever want it to be uncomfortable. Worth the sacrifice and forgiveness on both our parts.
Giving you a shout out on this coming week's Tuesday Talk. Please join me as I share with others your post.
Your children should feel very blessed!
Thank you Nicole. They have friends from divorced families who do not have the same situation or who have bad relationships with the step parent so I think they really do know they have it pretty good.
I just love this heartfelt post. When I think back to when I was a twenty-something, it's hard to imagine having two kids and going through a divorce. I'm thankful I was just responsible for me since I thought I knew it all and really knew just about nothing! You should be really proud of having a good relationship with your ex, and what a blessing for your whole family. I can sure the see the resemblance in those pictures with their dad.
I love this so much. My ex and I also have a very unique relationship. We spend holidays together, when he comes to see the kids he stays at my house. We knew the second we decided to divorce, that absolutely no way were our children going to suffer. I'm so happy when I hear others having the same experiences as I do
Definitely takes some selflessness and putting the pride aside….and for you like me to have a new husband that is willing to accept the relationship as well.
What an honest, heartfelt post. Your perspective may help someone in a similar situation and bless their family.
Always hoping that sharing an experience here may bring something positive to others. Thanks Anne! Hope you girls had a fun time in Fort Worth!
I think it is so cool that you are able to see reasons to be thankful in something a lot of people have a hard time finding anything to be thankful for. It makes me think you must be a woman who strives to have a thankful heart in all things…and impacts those around you with that thankful heart! 🙂
What an amazing post, lady! I'm so glad that you and our ex are able to put the kids first. I have so many friends that grew up with divorced parents that had issues. Y'all are awesome!
You are amazing! What an amazing example to your kids- thank you for sharing this at Tues Talk!
I have a good co-parenting relationship with my ex as well. We get a lot of funny looks, especially when it's just us two sitting together, or when all of the ex in-laws sit together at their grandkids' school functions. It works for us, and we are a lot less dysfunctional than "normal" families out there!
I spent a lot of time at the Chicken in the early 90's with my ex, of course I see a familiar face in the pictures above, so I am sure we have been there at the same time!
No way!! I'd say the Chicken definitely contributed to a rough start to our marriage..haha. And I definitely agree that there are plenty of families out there with both parents in place that are way more dysfunctional than ours.
Wow, amazing! Thank you so much Shelly for sharing your heart and your journey, I am deeply touched by your being thankful for your ex-husband! So thankful that you shared this on MMM! Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday night! 🙂
Cathy@threekidsandafish{dot}com
Thank you Cathy….and thank you for hosting a fun link up!