Friday Favorites – Friends
Happy Friday! It was a stormy day in Texas yesterday and throughout the night but the rain gave way to a beautiful morning with perfect temperatures. I’m super excited to be joining Carly Jo for lunch at the park today while she is on a field trip for school. Personally I’ve always loved seeing my kids in their element at school socializing with their friends and just observing how they interact.
Do you remember friendships as a child? You know, back when they were easy and you didn’t have to really fit in a click or share all the same interest. Back when you didn’t have to be a work outside the mom who no longer felt included when your best friend became a SAHM and you no longer had the same schedules making it harder to relate. Remember when you could have cared less what your friend was doing for you and enjoyed more what you were doing together? Friendships definitely get harder and more complicated as we grow up don’t they?
But do they really have to? Have we over complicated it all by turning the focus on ourselves and spending our time worrying about our own feelings? I know I have. I’m one of those friends who loves reaching out, who loves setting dates for dinner and keeping in touch. Some of the women in my life I consider some of my closest friends do not have this same trait. I am still guilty sometimes of starting to wonder and ask the question do they really even like me? Am I annoying? Am I boring? Have I done something to offend them? Is it because my house isn’t nice enough, my kids aren’t polite enough, my hospitality isn’t up to par? I’m also guilty going into shut down mode…you know, I’m not going to ask them to dinner or text them until they reach out first. All of these things are more about me, not them. If there is someone in my life who I love (or even just like) and spending time with them is a positive in my life then I’m going to continue to be the one to reach out. It may only be to deliver goodies once a year at Christmas or it may be an email or text sharing some special memory at random. Every single time I reach out and know in some way I’ve blessed a friend’s day it fills my heart.
With social media the “friendship” thing becomes even harder when you wonder why you were unfriended in the first place. How can someone you only new online leave such a sting? Again, this is more about you and not them.
I receive daily emails from (in)courage and today’s email shared a new bible study about friendship. You can download a couple of free chapters of the book Never Unfriended here and the first weeks lesson of bible study here. I can’t wait to take a look! At this point in my life I think I have this figured out for the most part though satan loves to come and fill my head with nonsense. I really want to arm myself with wisdom and words to help my daughters navigate this world of friends in a healthy way.
So I’d like to know, what has been your biggest challenge with building friendships over the years?
Wishing you all a beautiful weekend!
I am in tears! This post is exactly what I needed this week. Thank you so much for sharing. I am going to go check out that book.
Sweet girl…not going to lie when that popped up in my email you were one of the first people I thought of. 🙂 Hope you have a super weekend!
I have already ordered the book and printed out the the workbook. I am also going to look into the teen bible study to see if I could use it with my daughters.
You know I love to doubt myself in this very area! Thankful for friends like you that build up and encourage!
I definitely think the two of us have come a LONG way from where we were 15 years ago friend! Glad we are both willing to participate in this friendship!
So you know I am a little biased to you my love but I can’t ever imagine in the world how anyone could not want to be dear friends with you! Everything that comes from your gentle and sweet soul is just so so precious and if we lived closer I have no doubt we would be friends. You see that is why I think we, as bloggers, connect so well. It really takes a special person to be a blogger. So many of my so-called real life friends do not get blogging and some of their comments have made me wonder why I was even friends with them in the first place. As the boys have gotten older and we steered away from the parents of school kids friendships, often times it really is just my husband and I. I have one dear close friend that I consider my best friend and I work with her too but other than that it’s primarily just acquaintances. To be honest with you, I’ve come to think of my blog friends as some of the best friends I’ve ever had! I think that’s why am super extra excited to see my blended blog sisters next week and oh how I wish you were going to be there! Just continue to be you but if someone is making you feel bad or doesn’t see you for the sweet person you are then don’t put the time and effort in. Only be around those who lift you up and put that pretty smile on your face. Happy Mother’s Day sweet lady!
Just reading through Andrea’s comment and it really rang true for me too. The older I get, the more I realize that quality is way more important than quantity when it comes to friends. I feel like my group of acquaintances is growing, but the number of really close friends is shrinking. And I’m always grateful to hang with my BFF hubby!
Sarah commented the same as well…and I would agree that I have way more acquaintances than ever before but a really small close circle.
I also think it’s sometimes easier in this world of blogging to be friends and support each other because we can use words and encourage but still put our physical time with our families. Does that make sense? There’s no competition for a girls night dinner or happy hour taking me away from time with my family. I can be encouraging from my car while I’m waiting for someone to finish dance! But I do agree…definitely for me it has become quality over quantity and I’m okay with that.
I tend to always be the “planner” in my group of friends as well. I am the one who typically arranges dinners and gets everyone together. And I don’t know what I would do without my girlfriends! GF time is so important!
Happy Mother’s Day to you, Shelly!
I’ve just realized at some point being the organizer/planner is just something I enjoy. Now….when no one shows up that’s not as easy to accept. lol
This was such a great post. I think friendship can get trickier as you get older, because you’re not all in the same phase like you were during school or the baby/preschool years. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you’re always reaching out and wondering if friends really reciprocate. I’m going to look into that new book. Happy Mother’s Day!!
Absolutely agree! Relationships can just be a challenge all the way around but some are totally worth it. Happy Mother’s Day Tanya!
I definitely agree that friendships get so much harder because your priorities have to change as you get older. No longer can you and your best friend put each other first, but now your husbands and family come first. My best friend and I have a weekly phone date and try to see each other as much as we can even though we live over an hour away from each other now. I would say I have way more acquaintances now that I’m older than super close friends…that number has dwindled after everyone my age has gotten married and had kids. I’m sure that’s normal?? I hope!
MeetTheShaneyfelts
It is TOTALLY normal Sarah! And I would agree, our priorities change and shift our time but while that’s easy for us to see in our own life I think sometimes we still question how someone else could choose not to make us a priority and there lies the problem. Instead of just realizing they have a life we start thinking there is something wrong with us! We are all crazy! haha
I feel like social media has sadly brought out the ugly in so many people and “friends”, but on the flip side I am so grateful for the friendships I have made because of social media. It is as though we are all in competition with each other rather than being a good friend and just supporting each other. At the end of the day no one’s life is perfect all the time…and having the perfect house, perfect car, perfect clothes, perfect children, etc…it doesn’t mean a damn thing…what matters is surrounding yourself with people who are accepting . this was a great post today friend. Have a wonderful weekend and Happy Mother’s Day to you!!!!
Totally agree Kimm. Plus….what fun is there in being perfect anyway?!! Hope you have the best weekend with your babies!
Hmmmmm…biggest challenge is the disappointment? Sometimes I get so tired of feeling like the only one who makes an effort, you know?
I absolutely know Deena!!
Oh my goodness you have described me to a T! I have done this over and over again, questioning whether the people I call my best friends are my best friends, why they don’t invite me enough, call me enough, include me enough, love me enough. It’s crazy and I think so much is fueled by social media and of course, Satan himself. Thank you so much for this post, it spoke right to my heart and I needed it! God bless you Shelly and I want you to know how blessed I am because of your post. I’m going to checkout Unfriended!
Happy Mother’s Day!
xoxo,
Kellyann
We would be fast friends in real life Kellyann! It’s so easy to get caught up in the questioning. I wish I could say theses thoughts never cross my mind anymore….they do….but I am much quicker to squash them than I even have been before!
Love this post almost as much as I love you! Sooooo thankful you reached out and brought us that meal in one of my most “how in the heck am I going survive” moments.
And look at you….stronger than you thought!
Amen to everything you and the other ladies have said. I often feel like an awful role model for my kids because I have cut out some people from my life due to their non-existent friendships or unnecessary drama. Yet, at the same time, I hope that my kids see that I’m a loyal friend and give my friends my all. I’m having a hard time getting Trip to stand up for himself and not let kids walk all over him, and like you all have said, I want him to see that friendship should be about quality, not quantity. Your IG story eating the fries and telling about your grandparents’ mirror was hilarious! I hope you are spoiled rotten today and have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Teaching our kids all those important lessons and helping them navigate friendship in a positive way is such a blessing for them long term. Haha….I seriously am super surprised I didn’t eat every damn fry!
It seemed easier when my kids were at home and we had water polo and swimming and just seemed to see people more. As they have gone off to college, graduated and now working and on thier own, it seems harder for me to keep friendships going. I love my friends but am not interested in Girls Night Out. I enjoy being at home, in my jammies with my husband. I still meet friends for coffee after gym class or lunch occasionally but I guess I am more of a loner then I was when I was younger !!
I would have to say this is somewhat true for me too Kim. I love getting together with my girlfriends but also can appreciate more the time they want to be home with their family as well.
Such a great perspective. I’m definitely guilty of feeling worn out by my friends since I’m the one always reaching out and planning. Everyone is so busy though, and I want to see them!
That’s how I feel to Lana! I think taking the pressure off by realizing it’s the busyness of our lives that limit others reaching out instead of something wrong with us personally makes it easier to not be offended when we are the only ones planning.
I am doing (in)courage, too. I really struggle with friendships. Generally because I am shy and uncomfortable and awkward and weird. I don’t feel comfortable being with gals beyond the work place or an occasional breakfast or lunch out. Hope that this program will help me grow-up and move beyond my social awkwardness.
I hope it will help you too Leslie. Having the confidence to feel comfortable in your own skin in social situations has really made things easier for me.