23 Thoughts for 2023

Have you settled into the new year yet? There were both highs and lows in 2023 as there are in all years, but I was more ready than normal to say goodbye and have a fresh start in 2024. 2023 like all the years before had challenges but just like those before, it didn’t break me. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t change me a bit. Parts of my heart will never be the same but other pieces have healed and even grown. As I was looking over my year, I grabbed hold of 23 thoughts I had about 2023 and shared them on Instagram but decided they needed an expanded share and permanent place here on the blog as well. So here are 23 thoughts for 2023 as I turn the page to a new year.

Sometimes love really isn’t enough. In a year when I watched my son’s marriage fall apart and his world turn completely over, love did not feel like enough. Love alone could not make their marriage workout and love alone could not take away the pain or help him get on his feet. It was hard to watch and at the same time experience my own grief over losing a daughter in law we had come to love as part of our family. There have been so many silver linings in this season and purpose in the pain and while love isn’t always enough it is still worth it.

I could not, however, be prouder of how my other children all rallied together and supported him, loved on him and defended him like their lives depended on it. Seeing our family stick together through something hard would show up again later in the year when I made the necessary, but still tough, decsion to move my mom to memory care. Doing hard things does not always feel good and advocating for others can be frustrating.

Watching God take over is always so humbling. Oh how I try to navigate and work things out only to see later how His plan took us through some pain but ended up better than I could have imagined. God is better at being God than I am and He was so faithful in staying by my side in 2023 even when I did not seek Him first.

One of my biggest struggles is loving my family but knowing when the loving stops and the enabling begins. I have a really LONG line of generational enabling of men in my family and I’m determined to have it stop with me. Having some tough discussions with Keith after years of creating a rhythm in our marriage that put me in charge of so many things was not easy. Communication is still hard! The differences in how we were both raised and what we saw in our own homes growing up are still things we are having to work through 22 years later but we ARE working through them and that makes me so proud.

I typically do not feel guilty taking vacations, but taking my leave on a random Tuesday isn’t as easy. Sometime in 2023, I saw something on Instagram that noted our leave is part of our salary package and it’s meant to be taken. There is no reason for me to leave lots of hours on the table every year! In 2023 I traveled to Hawaii, Chicago, Colorado and New York City. We also went to see Taylor Swift and Zach Bryan in concert and sharing music with my kids made me so incredibly happy. Take the vacation and buy the concert tickets, whatever that looks like for you, just do it!

Prepare was my word of the year for 2023 and as I was thinking about this at the end of 2023 and how unprepared I felt for some of the events, I realized being prepared didn’t look the way I thought it would. I had made some positive changes early in the year that led to my survival.

I took a BIG step away from the blog and instagram in 2023. It wasn’t intentional, but I honestly just didn’t have the emotional or creative capacity. What I realized is how much less stressful it was to post when I had something meaningful to share versus trying to force it. And I also realized stepping away did not make me invisible. Those who enjoy what I share are still there when I did show up!

Fresh flowers will always make me happy and tulips are still my favorite. In 2023, however, I bought two sets of artifical tulips for my house and they have brought me so much joy!

In 2023, we had to replace our washing machine and buy a new car. Our washer was a 2011 model and had definitely been a workhorse but I’ve been super excited about the new washer (speed queen!) that actually has an agitator! My new car was also unexpected but apple car play is awesome!

I learned while we were in Pagosa Springs that I suck at just being still. The realization that being still takes practice is leading me to my 2024 word of the year which I hope to share soon!

There is a risk in staying stagnant and I really want to continue to work hard to grow myself. I’m thinking in 2023 I need to learn something new that will stretch me a bit. Fear of failure often holds me back so I’m hoping to work on that.

I’m a terrible, terrible listener. When someone else is talkign I’m thinking of all the things I want to say, or how I’m going to solve the problem. Sometimes I’m not listening at all because my mind is so preoccupied with the scrolling to do list. I’m hoping to find some constructive ways to work on this in 2024.

I rarely know the whole story. This is true so often! Almost always we are only receiving a piece of the information or one side of the story before we have already made our own assumptions about the truth. This impacts family life, worklife, sports life…..you can apply it to almost everything. As I wrote about battling alzheimers a few months back, I noted how I often judged adult children for not taking better care of elderly parents. Clearly at that time I didn’t have the whole story of what they might be dealing with. It’s definitely opened to my eyes to the areas where I may be passing judgement without knowing the whole story.

Both/And. Multiple things can be true at the same time. I can have a profound love for my family and want to spend time with them and also have a dire need to have time alone. The situation with my mom is probably where I’ve had to remember this most. I can still find love and joy in my visits with her but there is also a very deep and longing pain of missing her so much.

I could definitely practice more of what I preach! Hello, scrolling Instagram Reels and Tik Toks….guilty.

Wellness is about the whole self. The effects of stress, both physical and emotional, have on our bodies still blows my mind sometimes. In 2023 I gained 16 pounds from May to December even though I still was working out and being somewhat conscious about my health. Our house ended up shrinking as two moved back home and I ended up with less space for me. I stopped moving as much and spent alot of time retreating to my bedroom but not in a productive way. Definitely need to focus more on my whole self again in 2024.

Financial risks still scare me! We bought 73 acres of land in June. I was petrified to say the least. Keith is much more of a risk taker and even though I could see it work out on paper I was so afraid. My mind goes right back to the days I was a single mom living paycheck to paycheck with a credit card bill that only grew every month. It’s all been fine! We are responsible adults and have made good financial decisions to put ourselves in a place to make a purchase like this so I’m working on it but still…scared!

Seasons always end. I try to remind myself of this when the days seem longer than they need to be and the chaos has me loopy. Embracing the season and trying to pull what joy there is from it and managing the rest is hard. Looking back over all our memories in 2023 reminds me there is always joy to be found if I look hard enough even in the midst of tough stuff.

So I’m looking back over 2023 but I won’t stay there. I’m thankful for the memories and all it taught me.