Building a Tribe

The one thing I have found over the years is it is not necessarily the quantity of your tribe but the quality.  How does the dictionary define a tribe?

: a group of people that includes many families and relatives who have the same language, customs, and beliefs
: a large family
: a group of people who have the same job or interest

Over the years I would definitely say I’ve tried to include people in my tribe who did not necessarily “fit” as I tried to figure out who I really was and how I really wanted to live out my life.  I am also glad I have been able to look beyond some barriers and open my heart to allow an unsuspecting member to join my tribe.  When I look now at how my current peeps have come together I’m positive they are all serving a special role.

The Bestie……you know the one.  You are there for each other for the good and the bad times and your friendship stretches beyond just the two of you.  She’s on the pick up list at your kids school and your kids don’t freak when she yells at them because she is like a second mom.  You do not share exactly the same views on every single thing which keeps the friendship interesting and has taught you to maybe look at things in a new way. Sometimes you don’t see eye to eye but at the end of the day your friendship is so important you are willing to work it out no matter what.

The Soulmate…..this friend has been around a long time.  You have watched each other grow as adults through many mistakes and heartbreaks as well as joyful celebrations.  While you may only see each other every couple of years and you don’t even pick up the phone regularly to chat, you know this friend is there for you and will be ready to come to battle in a second if needed.  Reunions are easy and you pick up like no time has passed at all. 

The Cheerleader…..we all need to have one and we need to be one.  My cheerleader is amazing!  Not only is she always giving me encouragement and making me feel like I can do things I’m not sure I’m ready to do, she is always telling everyone else positive things about me too.  I always know I can vent to her and she will listen without judging and then give me sound advice on how to refocus. Sometimes my favorite is that she will just totally agree with me and let me feel justified!  

The Entertainer.…the one I so look forward to being around because she is so much fun!  She tells stories like no other and she has the best adventures. I usually leave with smeared mascara and sore abs from laughing so hard. She takes things lightly and with a grain of salt and some may think she lacks compassion but they are missing her heart.  

The Realist….no tribe is complete without this friend.  We all need to have this friend and we all need to sometimes be this friend.  Speaking the truth to a friend is tough stuff and finding someone who can do it firmly but with love and your best interest at heart is pretty amazing.  It will not always feel great initially for this person to speak truth to you but if you are wise and trust her counsel you will almost always come away viewing things from a new perspective with a greater hope.  

The Historian….they know you like no one else does and even when you do not see each other you still keep in touch.  Reminiscing about the old days and recalling those times with so much more energy than you actually remember.  You do not text with this friend but just like the old days you actually talk on the phone and sometimes it’s for hours! When you finally do get together with this friend you may do something crazy like smoke cigarettes while “cruising” the town just for old time sake.  She knew you “when” and you will always feel a little more youthful when you are with her.

The Newbie….somehow the stars alined and a new member made her way into your tribe.  She is perfect in so many ways and fits in with your other friends.  You begin the process of learning more about her and are constantly like “me too!” and then sometimes like “hmm…well not me but that’s cool”.   You now the potential is there for her to seal up a permanent role in your tribe and it is so exciting!  

The Ex….yes, as is any relationship the Ex is also an important role.  Even though this friend is no longer a member of your tribe it doesn’t mean you didn’t learn something.  Whether leaving the tribe was her idea or yours, something happened to threaten the relationship that was not repairable. You may still care for this person and miss a piece of your friendship that is forever lost but learned an important lesson in how to treat others in the future.

Being part of a tribe can be exciting and heartwarming and full of love and joy but there will also be times when you have to stand up and help a member fight.  Whether it is for their life or their sanity or their marriage you will find a way to fill one of the roles if the member is truly that special to you.

How well do you love your tribe?